HOW TO BECOME A FOOD SNOB

A hundred small choices.

1. Belgium beers
2. muddy espresso
3. good farmstead cheeses (from farmers that moonlight as academics)
4. tellicherry peppercorns
5. freshly-ground cinnamon
6. nutmeg grated on a rasp
7. rosemary that you snip just before you eat it
8. fresh basil
9. melted sweet onions
10. roasted garlic
11. Wagyu beef
12. heritage pork cooked low & slow over a fire
13. vinegary, homemade BBQ sauce
14. tomatoes with names like Old Ivory Egg
15. fish that your dad caught
16. spicy boiled peanuts
17. hot dogs with natural casing that pops
18. gelato
19. Jack Daniels
20. drunken mushrooms with dry red and fresh herbs
21. lamb from a farmer with whom you’ve shaken hands
22. muscadines
23. vegetables grilled on a fire
24. olive oil that tastes of green apples and warmth
25. twenty-five year old balsamic
25. tart, homemade yogurt
26. La Chouffe
27. lobster rolls in Narragansett
28. fried sage leaves
29. perfect salads
30. fresh lemonade with rosemary
31. homemade pierogies
32. warm chocolate chip cookies
33. chocolate pot de creme
34. raw tuna with avocado and spicy mayo
35. Royal Reds at the Gulf
36. baba ghanoush
37. flat bread made in unauthorized kitchens and hidden behind the grocery counter
38. briny dolmas (lamb/rice/hot/ cold)
39. coconut-milk curries
40. homemade paneer
41. avocado
42. chocolate ganache and fruit
43. crispy fish tacos
44. homemade birthday cake
45. dark rye bread with sweet butter
46. Mexican-style shrimp cocktail
47. chorizo and eggs
48. chip wagon poutine
49. buffalo burgers
50. hot baguettes
51. bacon fat
52. duck confit
53. just-mixed vinaigrettes
54. dijon
55. artichokes
56. crunchy slaws
57. maple syrup
58. red beans and rice in New Orleans
59. butter
60. a freezer full of bones for stock
61. lots and lots of cilantro
62. ribs at Dreamland (but only the one where the roof leaks)
63. sesame and walnut oils
64. vanilla powder
65. kielbasa
66. crispy apple fritters
67. wild rice from a reservation
68. sexy, sexy bulgur
69. homemade pasta
70. basil pesto on homemade pasta
71. remoulade
72. gouda that crunches with saltiness
73. pilaf
74. eggy tapioca
75. wood-fired pizza
76. tacos from a road-side trailer
77. crisp, juicy roasted chicken with mustard
78. perfect mashed potatoes
79. lamb stew
80. pork and sauerkraut with applesauce
81. lobster pot pie
82. cornmeal-dusted hot fish
83. risotto
84. homemade mayonnaise
85. crisp, tart apples eaten out-of-hand
86. filet with herbed compound butter
87. roasted asparagus
88. corned beef and cabbage
89. coconut cake
90. plantain chips
91. crispy carnitas
92. jasmine rice
93. ricotta
94. toast with butter
95. salsas made from market veggies
96. ‘nana pudding & chocolate mousse pie
97. roasted peppers and Asiago
98. funnel cakes
99. scrambled eggs with lots of black pepper and ketchup
100. a thick, medium-rare Kobe burger with onion rings

Chris adds:
101. salmon caught from the Kenai River, blackened, and eaten outdoors within four-hours of its final swim
102. sausage
103. fried chicken (beside velvet wallpaper) at Lamar's